Understand

Please don't pretend you know me, because I barely know myself.
Don't make assumptions. Don't try to figure out the things I don't understand, because these are my problems, not yours.
Each day I'm something new. Reborn each morning from the womb of night. Awakening to undiscovered territory, waiting to put up a fight.
The pathways inside of me are shifting and unsure. I try to find a way back down to my place left on the earth.
The tributaries of my soul lead to oceans deep and dark. We've all heard that a giant flame comes from a single dancing spark.
The selves that I allow you to see are the ones that hide the truer me. The horrid beast that lies inside will never ever cease to writhe as I hope to be released and know a deeper healing peace.
The words that dance about my head are always better left unsaid.
Silence is my only friend, the one who saves me from a tortured end.

Maybe...

Maybe I've found my motivation. Maybe it's been here all along, I just sort of forgot what it looked like.
I don't think it has changed all that much...  it may be a little bit dusty at the moment, but I can already see the old familer glow that I've always known and loved.
Now is my chance to grab hold and never let go. I cannot allow
myself to tire and let it wringle from my grasp. I cannot just sit here and as it trickles through my fingers, tickling my wrist as it evaporates and floats in a thick disorienting fog around my head. It's time to break the pattern and get my act together.
I've got this.
At least for now.