and keep going

pulling out the scarf collection

You know you wear scarves to often that when you go through a week of not wearing them and this particular fashion choice can end up be misinterpreted as some sort of sign of depression ... vocal major problems - I'm telling ya.


I feel like this week I've gotten my spark back. Today I woke up feeling sickie and gross, but I'm happy and excited. Life is good and adventure is out there. 

4

Today was a long day. Not as longs as Thursday will end up being... but I don't want to think about that right now. I cannot believe it is honestly only Tuesday. Some weeks fly by and others have a hard time getting started.
I had my Women and Gender Studies class this morning, which was just a random elective I chose at the last minute because it was Christmas break and I decided I should take an extra course so that I could work on the actually being able to graduate with the rest of my class and it was one of the few courses that still had space and I thought I might actually like.
I didn't really know what to expect... I mean I had thoughts, but I wasn't sure how accurate they were. I am actually really enjoying the course. The prof is interesting, and I really enjoy the content and the readings. This is an introductory course, so it is all pretty general, but I'm enjoying the things I'm reading and learning and getting to see and understand other opinions on topics that I am interested in. A lot the of the information I had been somewhat familiar with before this class, just from my own personal research and being a child of the internet age, but having a new/more academic reason to explore these topics is quite nice.
The only unfortunate part might be the whole group work aspect of the course... I mean it would be nice if the people in my group read/had the text book or actually had an accurate idea of what feminism is, especially since that is kind of an important part of this course. Ah well, is what it is.
It might be my favourite class right now... its the only really academic course I have this term. I mean I am also doing music theory, but that is an entirely different beast. My other credits are musical skills lab(where we sing do re me at 8:30 in the morning every other day. It can be fairly brutal to get out of bed for), choir, and studio(which includes private lessons and coachings, as well as masterclass and an hour of group tech one a week).
Being a music student is a funny thing, and I enjoy it - even when I feel more than a little overwhelmed at times.

3

 I had the privilege of spending time with a dear friend and being happy in the moment. Today I there was joy.

Malls are the strangest place, they filled with more things than people can ever buy yet I never find exactly what I want. Dress shopping is also a strange thing. Finding things that fit apparently just isn't my strongest suite.

2

I am going to take this month and use this space to document each day with little whispers of joy and points I feel deserve to be remembered.
I cannot believe that the first month of the year has already come and gone. This has been a winter of wild weather and full days. My second term of first year is already well under way, each course hurtling a long full speed ahead. I'm learning about accented passing tones and the use of a cadential six-four chord... its not as thrilling as you might imagine. I'm taking my first elective, intro to women and gender studies. I am really enjoying it, I just wish that the others in my class would take the time to actually read the text book - that would make the group work a little more bearable(perhaps).
I'm learning that earlier bed times are a thing my body and spirit seem to really enjoy, but being your own best friend is hard at times and I don't always give my body what it wants and rarely what it needs(or what is best for it). I'm learning that I need to manage my emotions in a new ways, and not let them control my happiness and cloud my success - or lead to my failure.

This month I will be posting every day, some days it may be a full post of some variety or another, others perhaps merely an image or a quote or anything that I feel is applicable in any way shape or form.

Here's to a February adventure. 

and i will be

As a music student it can be so easy to be caught up with the little things that cloud up the days. There is always something new to be working towards, another person to impress, another personal battle to wage. Its not just a music student problem, its and everybody problem. It can be hard to look past all of the day to day trials that are thrown our way and see the bigger picture and appreciate the beauty of our tiny existence. 

I find my self becoming so overwhelmed that it becomes nearly impossible to take a step back and just let the air float in and out of my person. 

Second term has been off to a rocky start, just in the way where I let things mess with my brain that have absolutely no right to make me feel any less than the rock star I am(that is what I am in school for right? A degree in classical voice performance leads to rock and roll fame and fortune, does it not?). I am so blessed to be able to pursue an education in what I am most passionate about and to be surrounded by such supportive peers, mentors, family members, and friends. Whenever I get overwhelmed I just need to stop and think about that for a second. I'm learning about music, I am in school to learn more about music, I get to make music! Life is good and beauty is everywhere. 

I have to focus on the things that make me the happiest and let me shine the brightest. 

 

colours taking wing

Tell me my story in words that sing. Paint my life as a picture with colours taking wing.
Whisper me promises that may not come true, teach me who I am and I will believe you. Create for me adventures that ripple through time, show me my life and let it be mine.

brillance

you make beautiful things out of the dust

doing things

sleeping

lets start looking

curiouser and curiouser

thats all

trying not to push

Will you come and whisper yes into my heart. Will you draw a map in the stars to guide me ever home, to the home I am meant to find.
I want to have every thing that I can take and fulfill every promise that has been made. I want to love and be loved until there is no room for fear or doubt. I want to shine brighter than the thousand fireflies glowing in my chest.
I am waiting and rushing, trying not to push to far ahead - going no further than I can control.
I see happiness and I see hurt in the world that I live in and the lives that I touch. I want to find a way to fix the things I break, and not be the reason for anyone's hurt, especially not my own. 
I'd like to ask for forgiveness, because I know I'll never earn it.